


Mind Over What's the Matter

by spotsnclaws



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Comfort, DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE S3 FINALE, Emotional Unburdening, F/M, Post-Episode: s03 Miracle Queen (The Battle of the Miraculous Part 2)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-22 17:53:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21080654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spotsnclaws/pseuds/spotsnclaws
Summary: “Marinette…are you going to turn on the lights?”Tikki’s voice had never sounded so small and the darkness had never seemed so loud.She hadn’t moved since closing the hatch to her bedroom. Hadn’t done anything but stood in a room bathed by night and her heavy breaths.“Mm-hmm,” Marinette replied.She stayed still all the same.SPOILERS FOR SEASON THREE FINALE MIRACLE QUEEN! DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN OR ARE TRYING TO AVOID!





	Mind Over What's the Matter

**Author's Note:**

> FINAL WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR MIRACLE QUEEN! If you have not seen this and would prefer not to see the finale until it releases in English and/or until the debut of "Chat Blanc" and/or "Felix," do NOT read further!
> 
> Mindfulness is a real technique used to break maladaptive hyperfocusing. I personally headcanon that Chat and LB would start these campaigns to prevent akumitization by promoting healthy habits, such as mindfulness, meant to diffuse high stakes situation while giving the victim a time to work through their emotions.
> 
> Gotta have something to let me sleep at night thinking of how Marinette is under so much pressure and not allowed to feel it all.

“Marinette…are you going to turn on the lights?”

Tikki’s voice had never sounded so small and the darkness had never seemed so loud.

She hadn’t moved since closing the hatch to her bedroom. Hadn’t done anything but stood in a room bathed by night and her heavy breaths.

“Mm-hmm,” Marinette replied.

She stayed still all the same.

Her sorrow came in waves. When she had heard Luka’s melody for her, she felt peace. When Hawkmoth next attacked, she felt numb, felt herself go through the motions. And when Chat shyly told her after the fight that he now had a girlfriend, she had grinned and thanked him for cheering her with his antics.

_“I…I’m sorry, LB. It’s actually…actually true this time. Happened shortly after Miracle Queen. I didn’t know if you needed to know as Guardian or…”_

It was with pride that she had assuaged him even through her desire to leave. Her eyes had felt so heavy and his so light with glee.

She was so happy for him – so truly happy. 

But why was everything changing _so_ fast?

Slow steps brought her to her desk lamp to click light to life in the room. Even dulled by the pink shade, the lightbulb seemed so bright. Marinette squinted at nothingness, clenching the chair to her desk before sighing.

“I hate seeing you this way,” said Tikki, a wail suppressed in her voice.

“I’m okay, Tikki,” she said, knowing she wouldn’t believe herself with how groggy she sounded. “I’m okay.”

Tears framed her eyes when she slid her mouse to awake the computer’s monitor. Immediately, Adrien’s smiling face beamed up from the screen. Frowning, sniffling, and shaking her head, she clicked on the settings and went about her search.

Choosing a new picture was difficult. Marinette’s mind felt like a whirlwind seeing the girls’ smiles and recalling Alya’s broken posture their first day of class together. Alya had _cried_ when recounting her stint as Rena Rouge and Marinette forced herself to act through it all. The feigned shock. The true concern. The assurance that their friendship remained even as the comments on the Ladyblog came pouring in and Alya’s phone turned off.

It certainly didn’t help Marinette in her role as Ladybug to tell Alya it was over.

“_I understand_,” she had sobbed. Ladybug only comprehended the words on the third attempt Alya made to speak. “_Please…please tell Trixx that I’ll miss her._”

Squeezing her eyes shut in the present, Marinette sighed before scrolling some more. She smiled a small smile upon seeing her old background of pinks and butterflies. Quietly changing the background, she studied it with relief and heartache eating at her from both ends.

Walking to her bed forced her to see the gramophone in the corner of the room. It was shadowed in the light – ominous and all-imposing. Although her throat constricted, Marinette did not cry. She simply thought of the Miracle Box hidden away inside and below that the letter that Master Fu had written her. Even when she came to the cork board above her bed where she sat on folded knees, Marinette breathed in deeply and recalled Fu’s words of the treasure of life.

The push pins came off with only the slightest struggle. Marinette moved with a sureness and a slowness that made her slightly dizzy. When the pictures fell, she made sure to catch each and every one of them. 

When she stood from the bed, it was with more fire in her movements.

Her bedspread was flipped up and her free hand was spread out to grab every ripped Agreste ad and printed Instagram photo. 

Why were there so many photos?

Why was she such a fool?

By the end, her floor was painted with pictures of Adrien’s face. Swallowing hard and exhaling fast, she stepped on one only to lift her foot in horror.

In the next second, several photos had a definitive ballet flat’s sole imprinted on them as she moved about the room like a hurricane.

“You don’t need to do this, Marinette. You can still keep them,” said Tikki. “Things could change!”

“Things _have_ changed, Tikki,” said Marinette, yanking photo after photo from her chaise’s cushions. “They’ve changed and this was stupid…it was _all so stupid_.”

The last word dropped like venom from her lips as she tugged a particularly difficult photo from the furthest recesses of her chaise. Looking beyond the tears welling in her eyes, her heart dropped. In her haste, she had ripped the photo and a now headless Adrien stood in rainwear holding an equally headless umbrella.

Though her tears fell hot and fat across her cheeks, Marinette simply stared at the picture.

Kagami had texted Marinette only hours before. Marinette had been taking notes through a particularly disinteresting lesson.

_Wanted to tell you – I’m dating Adrien. I’m sorry, Marinette. I hope that this doesn’t change our friendship._

And in the moment, Marinette had responded – kind yet hurt. She actually had a wonderful text conversation with Kagami explaining that maybe text wasn’t the best way to learn of this. Not when she had to look beyond a blonde head for the rest of her session. 

The fact remained that Marinette was drained and overwhelmed and now the pick-up game she had created of the flood of pictures simply felt like too much to do.

Yet she dragged her trash can to the middle of the room anyway. 

“Marinette…” Tikki said softly.

The clenched photo in her hand fell noiselessly into the trash. Then came the handfuls of crumpled pictures to drown that photo out.

“Tikki,” said Marinette, never ceasing her movements. Grab. Squeeze. Throw away. “I appreciate you. I really do. But I need to do this. Please let me do this. After all the mistakes that I’ve made…with Master Fu…setting Adrien up on some pedestal…causing Alya and the others to lose their Miracu-”

A sob broke through and Marinette trembled.

“Miraculous,” she continued, pausing only long enough to feel the cool of the trash can’s rim as she stuffed more photos down, down, down. “After all that…I just want to start fresh.”

Seemingly satisfied, Tikki remained silent as Marinette stepped on the photos to make room for the last few remaining. When she was done, Marinette silently moved the shredded photos’ remains. 

No traces of Adrien remained. 

There would be her schedule to deal with, she knew. Though she had added her friends’ events and birthdays over time, Adrien’s life still dominated the pull-down screen. But that wasn’t visible now and her bed looked so inviting.

Not bothering to undress, she threw herself onto the covers and laid her head on her pillow. 

The audible swish of Tikki landing near her head always made Marinette grin. Today was no exception even if her face felt ready to break.

“For what it’s worth, Marinette, I think you’re amazing. None of this was your fault.”

“Maybe not,” she agreed. “But that doesn’t make the rain any easier to ignore when I’ve lost my umbrella.”

Her heart fell to her stomach at the analogy, but Marinette simply sighed into the pillow. She wanted sleep – she wanted peace.

Barely opening her eyes, she lingered in her thoughts before slipping her phone from her pants’ pocket. She opened her messages with Luka and began to type, one-handed and rather tired.

_Can I ask you to record my melody at some point? So I can hear it any time?_

Hesitating over the send key, she pushed it on a whim and quickly closed her message app.

It was probably better that she not dwell on Kagami’s messages at the top of her feed.

How long she sat in the dull glow of her room, she didn’t know. Her head ached and though she knew she would feel physically more comfortable lying on her back, she did not dare move where she could see the gramophone. 

So she taped away at her phone and brought up footage from the latest of Hawkmoth’s victims.

It was a run-of-the-mill encounter. A gentleman refused a promotion he had longed for had been transformed into the Pencil Pusher. And while Marinette still felt sore from all of the acrobatics she had to perform, she pushed past that and the lack of the Ladyblog logo on the video to watch her interactions with Chat.

They truly were so in sync. Though the video quality was questionable at best, she giggled softly as she saw Chat twirl through the air. He was such a silly kitty. Marinette smiled at the thought of him being happy – of the lucky girl knowing him on the other side of his mask. 

On the video, Ladybug faltered and Chat caught her just in time before she was pierced by a particularly accurate pencil. Chat smiled warmly at her and Marinette watched as Ladybug’s gaze stayed on him just a moment too long.

She put down her phone, letting the video finish out and the screen fade to black. 

There was a crack on her screen – just a hair’s breadth but enough that she purposefully ignored it most times in order to forget her own clumsy nature. It haunted her now as she watched a blank screen. It all haunted her now. Nothing was right and she so desperately didn’t want to be wrong.

_It wasn’t my place to save Chloe from herself_, she told herself. _I had no idea pushing Chat away would make me feel so alone. And Fu never told me that I would forget everything when I became the guardian._

As her thoughts became a cyclone, her tears fell at one small, nagging thought.

_One day you’ll forget this pain ever happened._

The uneasy calm it brought her made her cry all the more.

Above her, Marinette could feel Tikki settling into her hair with steady chirps. 

For a moment, Marinette allowed herself to grieve. Their Miraculous team would change. Perhaps she could grant her friends other kwamis – other chances. But she would never again hear Chat call her one of his stupid nicknames. And her friendships…Kagami…how dearly Marinette wanted to spend more time with Kagami. 

But the thought of Adrien being there felt all too painful.

A notification sounded on her phone. For a second, her elation flew at the thought of Luka’s response.

Adrien’s name appeared instead.

_Hey, Marinette! Kagami and I were wondering if you wanted to hang out tomorrow. We were going to catch a film together first – maybe meet us afterward at the park? 13:00?_

Although she read the words four times, they still failed to settle in. Marinette blinked, swallowed, and tried again.

What was she supposed to say?

Marinette could feel herself slipping away – her thoughts owning a megaphone inside her head – as she read the message again and again.

She had to re-focus. Had to come out of this. As her stint as Ladybug, she and Chat had begun a collaboration with several organizations promoting healthy habits to prevent akumitization. Marinette whipped her head up to the card still among the few items lining her board above the bed.

_MINDFULNESS_, it read in bold white letters against a teal background. _What are your five senses telling you now?_

“You’re so brilliant, Marinette,” Tikki whispered.

Leaning up on a steady hand, Marinette let the teal of the advert take her away.

“I _feel_ my bedsheet…it’s soft and pink and my parents bought it for me for Christmas some years back. I _see_ this ad…it was a wonderful campaign. Every time I see it with the Ladybug and Chat ‘signatures,’ I feel proud. Even if it’s only helped one person from being akumitized, I’ve accomplished a lot.”

Sitting straight up, Marinette sniffed, though not in sadness as she had before. “I still _smell_ the sweets from downstairs…Papa might still be up baking for tomorrow’s rush.”

“What kind of sweets?” Tikki pressed.

“Vanilla…_oh_! That’s right! There’s an order for a birthday cake! The customer’s son is turning 16. That’s so exciting! I’ll have to deliver it during lunch tomorrow…that'll take up a bit of my Saturday, but I'll get some fresh air on the bright side. That feels rare nowadays unless I’m fighting an akuma.”

She paused, letting her tongue remain stagnant in her mouth. “I don’t _taste_ anything. But my mouth feels less dry than before. More…normal.”

The word hung in the air for a moment before Marinette looked about.

Tikki assisted her, sweet as always.

“What do you _hear_?”

Marinette closed her eyes, sighing deeply. “Crickets outside. Oh! Laughter! Someone laughed outside…I would say Papa, but the house didn’t shake.”

Her own laughter proved contagious and soon Tikki was beaming through a chuckle.

When her phone went off again, Marinette found her giggle quietening. “I hear me getting a text from…ah…Luka.”

Five videos now sat in her inbox, pinging her phone over and over. A final text came in below the feed of previews of Luka on his guitar.

_I may have gotten lost in the music. The first is your melody…the rest just came to me. Enjoy :)_

Enjoy she did. She listened to the first video all the way through and only realized she was humming a minute in. The next video made her pause – made her _red_. Luka played a more intense song – deep and throbbing and loud. He was practically hunched over his guitar with his arm making steady, precise motions.

When he looked up at the camera, Luka’s eyes were hooded. Marinette squeaked.

Tikki’s face was unreadable as she watched over Marinette’s shoulder. “What are you going to do, Marinette?”

Biting her lower lip, glancing at the lonely trash can in the center of the room, Marinette sighed. “What _should_ I do, Tikki?”

Smiling so wide her cheeks looked like two adorable cherries, Tikki met Marinette’s eager eyes. “As long as you are happy, Marinette, that’s all I care about. Follow your heart.”

After a brief moment of studying the cat plushie on her bed, Marinette looked back at the mindfulness ad. Chat’s “signature” of a cat paw was followed with a playful ‘CN’ in messy loops. Ladybug’s, in contrast, was minimal and neat. The letters were almost tight beside the five neat spots mimicking her trademark suit.

She began to type.

_Wow – you’re so talented! Hey, I know this is sudden, but would you like to go ice skating again? Like tomorrow?_

This time she did not have to wait long for Luka’s response. She barely had time to exit her app and search her phone for her favorite fashion design game before his reply shot back.

_I would like that a lot, Marinette. Will Adrien be joining us again?_

Flushing, Marinette frowned. Of course Luka would ask that after their last disaster of a date.

A date. Their first date and she had been mooning over Adrien yet again. While she couldn’t say that she no longer loved him at all, Adrien simply had become too much. Too perfect. Too right with Kagami. Too out of reach. Too much a fantasy while reality forced its way into Marinette’s face.

She was Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Fashion designer and creative force. Daughter of the greatest bakers in Paris. Friends with many, including Alya Cesaire. 

She was Ladybug. Guardian of the Miraculous. Protector of Paris. Partner to few, including Chat Noir.

Content, Marinette wrote back.

_No. Just us. If that’s okay, that is. Maybe a re-do of our first date? 13:00?_

This time Marinette waited in the messenger app and quirked a smile when those three dots appeared swifter than her yo-yo ever flew.

_Absolutely. I have a few deliveries to make, so I’ll pick you up if that’s okay. I’m so excited. Goodnight, Marinette._

Afterward, three music note emojis appeared and Marinette felt her body warm in a pleasant ease versus the violent bristle of before.

Steeling herself, she moved her fingers quickly – surely – to jump back to Adrien’s message.

_Sorry – I’ll be with Luka then. I hope you both have fun, though!_

Her breathing was calmed after that as she popped up quickly to change before lying back on her bed with her face up and the gramophone very much in view. Studying it, she nodded to herself. Marinette was under the covers and her fingers flying across her phone. An alarm was set. A reminder was scheduled to update her monthly to-do list to include training (left purposefully vague, for who knew what the kwamis had in store for her now). A goodnight text was sent to Luka with a smiley face.

And when she saw Adrien’s name appear again – another text, another small jab to her insides – she ignored it in favor of plugging in her phone and settling against the pillow. In the morning, she would clear the notifications before ever looking at his response.

She needed this. She needed herself. She needed to move on.

Things _could_ change. Things _had_ changed. Things would _always_ change.

Which is why she needed herself all the more.

She fell asleep even as a tired Tikki laid looking at Marinette’s phone.

_Oh…okay. We’ll miss you, Marinette. Hope you have a blast._


End file.
